Sunday, November 27, 2005

Issue Three

Page one:

One panel pinup of a Troll standing above Splitscreen and Bones about to crush them.

Caption: This is bad. Really bad. Me and this blob against a troll. It reminds me of my first solo mission.

Page two:

Flashback time: Let’s go for our effect either grainy or color.

The classic six panel page.

Panel one.

A young David Gordon maybe two years into his crimefighting career is watching the tv. While sitting on the floor. Dr. I is in a chair behind him reading the paper.

Caption One: Corridor City, 1985.

TV: The Killer Vigilante know as the SILENCER as struck again. Police discovered the Larva man’s corpse in a dumpster near Broadway Street….

Panel Two:

David turns back towards Doc I.

David: Shouldn’t we do something about him. You always said heroes shouldn’t kill.

Panel Three

DR I Still reading the paper.

Dr I: All that can be done is being done.

David: We should get him We haven’t even gone after him.

DR I: You’re not ready for this case.

Panel four:

Dr I stands up.

Dr I: I’m leaving for a mission with the Justice Council.

Panel Five.

Dr talking to David.

DR I: Do your homework. And no patrols.

David: But I’m…

Dr I: No patrols.

Panel Five:

We see a reporter talking on the TV.

REPORTER: Who is this vigilante that kills?

Page Three.

Five Panel page.

Two on top. Two in the middle. One on the bottom.

Panel One.

We see David putting on the splitscreen costume.

Caption one: Of course, I didn;t listen.

Panel two.

We see DOC I 5.1 trying to talk David out of it.

Caption One: My keeper, DOC I 5.1 tried to talk me out of it.

Panel three.

David pushes DOC I 5.1 aside.

Caption One: But I was determined.

Panel four

David makes a fist

Caption one: The Silencer was giving us a bad name.

Panel Five.

David swings through the streets.

Caption one: If the Doctor wasn’t bringing him in, I was.

Page four:

Five panel page.

Two on top. Two in the middle. One on the bottom.

Panel One:

We see Splitscreen on a tower.

Caption one: Of Course I don’t know where to start.

Panel two

Splitscreen enters the office of Captain Denney. Corridor City PD.

Caption one: I went to Captain Denney.

Panel three.

The captain laughing.

Caption one: But he just laughed and sent me away.

Panel four.

We see Splitscreen watching from a rooftop.

Caption one: I tried staking out locations. But I just got bored.

Panel five.

Splitscreen returns to his house.

Caption One: I was ready to give up.

Page five:

Five panel page. Two on top. One in the middle. Two on the bottom.

First panel:

David is eating while talking to DOC I 5.1.

David: I guess I’m not such a great detective.

DOC I 5.1: Have you tried the ANSWER?

Panel two

David looks surprised.

David: The answer?

Panel Three

David walks towards a mailbox on a residential street.

Caption one: He was apparently some cape who had a lot of connections.

Panel four

David leaves a paper in the mailbox.

Caption 1: This was how you contacted him.

Panel five:

The ever present rooftop. David is waiting. He sees a shadowed man approach.

Caption one: And the ANSWER met me that night.

Page Six:

Four panel page.

One on top. Two in the middle. One on the bottom.

Panel one: We see the Answer and Splitscreen talking.

Answer: You’re Impossible’s new sidekick, right. What do you need from me. He’s the man.

Splitscreen: The Silencer. How do I find him.

Panel two:

Close up of Answer.

ANSWER: He’s not in your league, kid.

Panel three.

The answer looks determined.

This is above you.

Panel Four

The answer starts to leave and Splitscreen says:

Splitscreen: Why is everyone afraid of this guy?

Answer: We’re not afraid of him. We’re afraid he might be right. And kid.

Splitscreen: yep.

Answer: He’s closer than you think.

Page seven:

Three panel page.

Panel one.

Splitscreen is sitting on a watchtower.

Caption One: days later.

Caption 2: Doc I had left on another mission. And I went solo again.

Panel Two:

We see newspaper articles detailing the deaths of several supervillians. Larva man, Backfire, and the Sanitizer.

Caption One: I had figured out one thing. All of the costumed creeps who had been killed by the Silencer had recently been release from jail on technicalities.

Panel Three:

We see Splitscreen following Bricklayer, a new villain to design.

Caption One: So I followed Bricklayer. The latest villain to beat his rap.

Page eight.

Three panel page.

Panel one.

We see Splitscreen follow Bricklayer.

Caption oNe: I kept my distance.

Panel two:

Bricklayer reaches a railyard and we see the Silencer appear.

Caption one: And when we reached the railyard. The Silencer appeared.

Panel three

The camera is looking at the front of Bricklayer as the Silencer swooshes in from behind him. I envision the Silencer as resembling the old Shadow character. All cape and hat as he moves.

Bricklayer: Oh man!

Page Nine:

Three panel page.

First Panel:

The silencer is firing both his guns at Bricklayer.

Caption One: He was going to kill him.

Second panel:

Splitscreen swings into the Silencer. Bricklayer is screaming.

Bricklayer: Help me!

Panel Three

The silencer and Splitscreen tangle.

Silencer: What are you doing , kid?

Page 10

Three panel page.

First Panel

Splitscreen hits the Silencer again.

Silencer: This isn’t your fight.

Panel two:

The silencer has grabbed Splitscreen and is now in control of him.

Silencer: Back off kid!

Splitscreen: You can’t kill him.

Panel three

Bricklayer has escaped. Silencer is furious with Spliscreen.

Silencer: He’s gone. You don’t know what you’ve done.

Page 11.

Five panel page.

Panel one;

We see an establishing shot of Impossible tower. The home of Doc I and Splitscrreen.

Caption one: Days later.

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Panel two.

We see David in a tux looking in a mirror.

Caption One: I was getting ready for my junior high dance.

Panel three.

We see a car driven by Doc I 5.1 with David as a passenger.

Caption one: 5.1 drove me to my dates house. Jenny Hayden. She was cute. Not gorgeous, but ok.

Panel four.

Jenny opens the door

Caption one: I felt bad for her. Her mother had been killed by the Sanitizer after he was released. Her dad was a D.A. who worked all the time.

Panel five

Jenny and David walk away and we see her father faintly through the front window.

Caption One: She was my friend and I felt bad for her. I knew what she was going through, so I asked her to the dance. Her father usually came to the door though.

Page 12.

Six panel page.

Panel one

We see Jenny and David exit the car. She is excited.

Caption One. It was the first time I had seen Jenny smile in weeks.

Panel two:

They walk in the dance.

Caption one. She thought it was cool to be driven by 5.1 and to be with Doc I’s ward.

Panel three

Their dancing.

Caption one: Our identities were common knowledge. Doc I had no family to protect and my identity was obvious after my parents death.

Panel four

They chat with friends.

Caption one. Besides we were well protected.

Panel five.

He holds up a cup full of punch.

Caption one: And after all you don’t tug on Superman’s cape.

Panel six.

We see an image of Jenny’s father.

Caption One; And you don’t mess with Batman’s kid.

Page 13.

Five panel page.

Panel one.

David crushes the glass.

Caption One: Oh, know.

Panel two:

We see the face of the Answer.

Caption one: Someone close.

Panel three

David talks to Jenny

Caption one: I made my apologies.

Panel four

Jenny is at the dance, upset.

Caption one: He was a .D.A. Villians were being released right and left. And his wife had been murdered by one of them.

Panel five-a wide panel at the bottom. We see Splitscreen streak off.

Caption one: And the Black Cowl had just been freed.

Page 14.

Five panel page.

Two on top. One in the middle. One on the bottom.

Panel One:

We see Splitscreen on top of a warehouse.

Caption One: I went to the black cowl’s hideout.

Panel two;

We see the Silencer in the shadows.

Caption one: And there was the Silencer in the rafters.

Panel three;

This is a wide panel. Splitscreen swings towards the Silencer.

Panel four

Spliscreen punches the Silencer.

Panel Five.

The silencer’s cowl comes off. It is Jenny’s father.

Splitscreen: It is you!

Page 15

A five panel page. One on top.two in the middle. Two on the bottom.

Panel one

The silencer and Spliscreen fight on the rooftop.

Panel Two:

The silencer looses his footing.

Panel three

He’’s holding on to the ledge with his hand.

Panel four

Spliscreen tries to help him.

Splitscreen: Let me help you!

Silencer: No kid!

Panel five.

Close up on the Silencer.

t

Silencer: It’s better this way. When my wife died, so did I. Now I’m a killer. Tell Impossible to take care of Jenny.

Page 16

One panel page

The silencer falls to his death as Splitscreen looks on.

Page 17

Six panel page

Panel one

Splitscreen has his head bowed explaining to Impossible.

Caption one: I went home to the Doctor and told him everything.

Panel two. We see Splitscreen sad.

Caption one: I screwed up big time.

Panel three.

Doc I talking to Jenny

Caption one: Jenny was devastated.

Panel four

Jenny slaps David.

Caption one: She never forgave me.

Panel five.

Doctor putting Jenny into a car.

Caption one: The Doctor told me she went to live with her aunt and uncle.

Panel Six

Back to present day. Close up of Splitscreen’s anguished face.

Caption one: And right now, I’ve got the same pit in my stomach.

Page 18

Five panel page

One on top, two in the middle. Two on the bottom.

Panel one:

We see the troll above Splitscreen and Bones.

Caption One: That’s one big dude.

Panel two:

Troll swings hammer at Splitscreen

Panel Three

Splitscreen dodges blow

Panel four:

Spliscreen jumps on the trolls back.

Panel five

He starts to rape his swinging rope around the Troll’s neck. Bones is still on the ground.

Spliscreen: Come on man. Help me out!

Page 19

Three panel page

Panel one

The troll shakes Splitscreen off his back

Panel two

He lands by Bones.

Splitscreen: That’s it! We’re done and your useless.

Panel three

The troll approaches with his hammer ready to crush them.

Splitscreeen: I never got her number.

Page 20

Two panel page.

Panel one

Winter takes out the troll’s legs with her sword.

Panel two:

He falls to the ground.

Splitscreen: Nice swing.

Bones: Aye, that was an excellent move.

Splitscreen: You speak English?

Page 21

A six panel page.

Panel one.

Closeup of Bones. He speaks with a slightly Russian accent.

Bones breaks the chains.

Bones: Of Course.

Panel two:

Close up of Bones.

Splitscreen: And clearly you could have gotten out of those chains and helped at anytime.

Panel three.

Bones touches Splitscreen’s shoulder.

Bones. Yes, comrade. But it vas you who inspired me.

Splitscreen: Me?

Panel four:

A shot of Bones:

Bones: To see one as pathetic as vou, struggle for life, gave me new hope, new vigor.

Panel five

Winter, Bones and Splitscreen in the shot.

Winter: Will you help us?

Bones: Of Course comrades.

Splitscreen: How do we get him out of here?

Panel six.

Splitscreen and Bones

Splitscreen: We can’t exactly put you in a suit and tie.

Bones: No, problem.

Page 22.

Four panel Page. One on top, two in middle, one on the bottom.

In the top panel we see Bones transform into Alexander from Divinity fame.

Panel two:

Closeup of Winter:

Winter: You’re kinda cute without the bones.

Panel three.

Closeup of Splitscreen:

Splitscreen: How’d you do that?

Panel four

A shot of Bones.

Bones: My people have two forms. One for battle and our normal form.

Page 23.

Three panel page.

Panel one.

We see all three.

Winter: Let’s get back to the sewer.

Panel two

Sensei’s headquarters.

We see Sensei, splitscreen, bones and winter.

Sensei: I see you met with success.

Winter: What’s next?

Panel three.

Sensei and Splitscreen.

Sensei: I’m going to have to call in a few favors. We’re headed to London.

Splitscreen: London? What’s in London.

Page 24

A one panel page. It’s a pinup of the Swaimi.

Sensei: The Swaimi.

ROLL CREDITS

CHAPTER THREE

FORTUNATE SON-PART TWO.

10 Comments:

At 4:08 PM, Anonymous Arik tha Great said...

"We see David putting on the splitscreen costume.


Caption one: Of course, I didn;t listen.


Panel two.


We see DOC I 5.1 trying to talk David out of it.


Caption One: My keeper, DOC I 5.1 tried to talk me out of it.


Panel three."

isn't this a bit repetative? maybe a panel in between with no words or caption to kind of show some sort of seperation between being saying 'i'm being obstenant', and then showing that obstenance?

i read all up to the point Silencer died, really good stuff. forshadowing onto the Silencers identity alil strong tho, really saw that one coming from the point jenny's father was peeping out the window. that always to me eludes to something being hidden and will be revealed soon. i dunno, thats just how i was reading it.

 
At 4:19 PM, Anonymous Arik tha Great said...

Panel five


He starts to rape his swinging rope around the Troll’s neck. Bones is still on the ground.


Spliscreen: Come on man. Help me out!

i really hope thats supposed to be "wrap" not rape. tho i'm sure it would be painful to be raped with a rope. :)

i know i'm not here to spell check, was just commenting on it cause i really thought it was funny. the picture of being raped with a rope was suprisingly funny.

 
At 4:24 PM, Anonymous Arik tha Great said...

very interesting story going here, i would really love to see some sketch panels with some text. might help me fill in some of the holes, or at least could help cut out some of the captions of its really obvious whats going on.

i should get my friend to proof some of this stuff, she is taking film classes and loves movies. i always see people who really like the production part of movies would really get story boards in any genre.

 
At 6:05 PM, Blogger DADICUS said...

I think the description of the panel is for me the artist and then the Caption is for the reader, and in comics you need that inner dialoge to help clear up things that are not absolutley clear and abstenence sounds pretty foggy visually to me!!!!!!!!! HA! HA! but yeah that hole raped with a rope bit........"CLASSIC" LOL

 
At 6:10 PM, Blogger DADICUS said...

Oh yeah "Doc I 5.1" is a robot he like a butler, babysitter, watchdog!

 
At 6:38 PM, Anonymous Arik tha Great said...

DoC 5.1 the robot who happens to give him the missing link to his "excursion" yet was against him going in the previous encounter with him. but then again he does get a beat down.

and i said Obstenance, not Abstenance. if he wants to have sex, thats his choice don't you think. hahaha

 
At 9:08 PM, Blogger DADICUS said...

DAMN THESE TYPE'Os

 
At 3:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

they're not type'os. you just dont know how to spell HA HA

 
At 3:44 PM, Anonymous Arik tha Great said...

typos you type hoes

 
At 12:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

John,

Good stuff. Arik's right. Silencer is a little obvious. I actually thought the Dad was Gary's attempt to be deceptive, and that the Silencer was actually Dr I. But whatever.

I think that there is some repeptitive stuff here. And I think there's some oppurtunitues for more interesting stuff. For example, when SPlitscreen goes to the police guy,a nd he laughs at him, the caption could say sometyhing like, "He wasn't too supportive" or "he was no help" so taht we read that, and see him laughing, and it's funny. Same with when Silencer appears, and you write that in the caption. He could just say, "Bingo" or somehitng.

I think that the repressed young sidekick, biting off more than he could chew, is a little tired. But if it wokrs for you guys. I think SPlitscreen lying to Dr I would be even more effective that him just being told no, and sneaking off. This way, when he gets caught, he;s not just caught sneaking off, but he lied too.

Um, I don't think SPlitscreen saying that Jenny was "cute. Not gorgeous, but okay" is kind of silly. I would just tighten it up, and he could say, "She was no homecoming queen, but I liked her" or somehting.

I didn't get "Don't tug on Supes cape" reference at first. I think that what you're hoping that taht saying would suggest, you should just say. "Noone would mess with us because we're superheroes." No need to mention other comic characters, plus it looks like an attempt to categorize your cahracters with them, in that category. If they are, taht remains to be seen.

If Jenny slaps Splitscreen, then there should be some dialogue. That is a really powerful moment, don't watse it with just one panel, showing her sad. Have him find her, and try to talk to her. Besides, a slap makes Splitscreen the victim in taht moemnet, and it's really about her.

Pleasssse don't make Bones Russian. It's too Colossus. He even looks like Colossus right? I think you should make him Irish, Scottish, English, Cockney, whatever. But Russian is just too blatant. What next, will he fastball SPlitscreen into battle?

The ending is not very compelling. I think that there has so be somehting moving this stiry forward. Yes, theye are mounting a resistance. But against waht? Tha bad guys? We (the audience) haven;t even seen how bad the bad guys are. Except for taht doodmon the cahriot, we have no idea who the "bad guys" are and so we don't care about this resistnace.

LIke in Star Wars, the Empire is evil and that apparent from the beginning. And there was a Princess who needed rescuing, and planets to be saved. So we rooted for young Luke and Han ans everybody, as they fought this Giant, Unbeatable, ALl-powerful enemy. As of right now, we know nothing about the bad guys.

Now, let's say all the heroes left are searching for Impossible, hoping he's returned, then that moves it forward. Right now, they're just going to go recruit Swami. Thta's it. Does he have a piece of a puzzle? DO they NEED him? The way it is right now, it's like "okay guys, off the India" kind of ending.

Don't just move us forward, PROPEL us forward!

-Victor

 

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